lo mejor esta por venir

I will send you this, soon. - MJ Lee, it is going to be a long text. Bare with me. I am sorry in advance for saying this, especially now. I know that we never agree on saying goodbye to each other, I see that little things that we never saying goodbye to each other, instead we using words like "see you when I see you" "see you" "takecare" "stay safe" and never a goodbye words but I guess, phew I am using it now. Forever. Thank you MJ Lee, for everything. I am deciding to walk away from your life, if you consider I am a part of your life and yeah I guess, thank you :) I am glad with cross path back then but I kinda want to let it end here. I wish that your marriage day come one fine day and I hope you happy with the person that you chose to be with, forever. Give and take, that is the rule in marriage life. One more thing, I will not staying in JB this year. Around October 2026, I leave everything here. I am moving out from this JB city and live...

I texted him again, another love letter, I guess.  — MJ Lee, this going to be a love  letter or maybe a deep talk ones.  I think, I typed this kind of long ass text only to you and my blog space. I have blog anyway. I am so old school kind of girl, but who cares hehe that is how I express myself & no one read that blog anyway haha — I still remember the day I said goodbye to you. Those was in... damn when was that? haih, when sia. I deleted all my text with you here but I only have 1GB of memory mind. Fk. But I clearly remember those moment was chaotic to me. Oh! September '24 I guess. I still remember that day when I said I hate all men as they only seeing me as a girl that can help fulfill their lusty needs. Ending up I said I will blocked you and never talk to you ever again. You replied me that I can call you whenever I need you, and you wish me all the best.  To be honest, I wish I can run to you and kiss you as you damn sexy for saying those kind of words ...

I’ll fight for you I’ll fight for the both of us When your mind gets tired When you lose your senses And when your shoulders can no longer carry the burden I’ll carry them for you But if ever one day your heart’s no longer tied to mine When where we stand are books apart I’ll say my goodbye and never look back

I texted him on whatsapp. I like this kind of feelings. Indeed it makes me alive. Lord. - I know I shouldn't unblock you here only to text you this long text cus apparently I couldn't send long text in normal text.  Please bare with me cus, as soon as I woke up from the dream, I am texting you this. Half awake. I might spill a lot of sugar here cus that is how I am. Too much sweetness. Huh. I missed you so much. You can read until here cus it is going to be a love letter. I missed you so much till I dreamt about you twice. I am not normal at this point, but it is nothing wild. Normal dreams and I wish it will stay like this for a couple of more days. Am I greedy? Tak lah I pretty je.  It is you in the dream but we are too far away from each other. It seems like, I am seeing you from a 'stranger' point of view. You were with your friends, but I was like a block away from you but we did seeing each other, and we smiled.  Another moment where, I am applauding to you while...

Hi, it is me, the helpless one. I am back with the same thoughts. I should run. I wanted to write down my plans here, but you know, I will share it here since no one around me read this. I wanted to run, but what is my plan, ya? I will leave everything behind, but I will have my social media stay for awhile. I know it is haram for a wife to leave his husband without husband's permissions, but I have too much to keep on my plate now. I know for a fact that if I leave everything here, it will be so chaotic and everyone literally will reach me out. First, I will ignored. Until I have enough money to pay lawyer to file a suit. After that, we will both attend the court, to settle. If he asking me why I am doing things like this, well, I already asked for couple times already, but still no changes. He need to know, love can't feed my starve tummy, love can't guarantee our future. I am not marrying to a wrong people, he is losing in his battle. I don't want to expose much to t...

I should run. I should run, I said to myself. I didn't run. I stayed. I wanted to end this in good term. I hate when people say I am the bad one here. I hate it. Really hate it. I told to my partner that I don't like staying here with my in laws. I know my partner didn't ask me to do anything at all in this house, but as a human that have a common sense, I simply don't want to stay at home and do nothing. I didn't pay anything, I couldn't. I didn't afford anything. It sucks. I told him couple of things that I kept to myself only, wild card I must said. But still got some wild card under my sleeves. I told my partner yesterday, and it was not a goood outcome. He was so weak. He slammed his face to the stereng. Oh god. I am scared seeing that situations. I am the one that feels needed to end this life. He was saying couple of things that I am speechless. Not because I am too stunned to speak, but I am scared there is no end to my problems. I am stucked. I felt...

I have been thinking about running for quite some time. I have this thoughts that I should run, leave everything back and move on with my life. I should listen to her. I should obey to that voices. Because I am tired now, to be honest. I have been endure all of this pain for freaking 3 years. I talked to my friend recently about my problems, well, he said, run. You should run somewhere, where he couldn't reach you anymore. I said to him, my dad asked me to finish this off with a good term. I tried for months, asking to be separated in good term. But, nothing happened. Nothing change. I lied to all people that I am okay, but to be honest, I am dying inside. I scream for help, but I shut myself for everyone. I said to myself, "give yourself another chance, give him another chances" that is what I hold dearly for past few months, but...I feel devastated. I am sad. I am dying. I am not myself. I am not me. Why? Who? I don't know myself at this point. I felt like I should ...

Funny how today, I’m 27 year old. It seems like it was only yesterday that I turned 21. Time sure moves rather quickly when you’re living in the now. I’ve noticed that the more I grow, the less I care and I have reached a point where I genuinely don’t give a fuck about anything which is why you’re seeing a lot less of me online now compared to before. Four weeks ago, I have posted a picture on Instagram with a caption that explains how I no longer have the interest of being around other people as their energy exhaust me. Unfortunately that is true. I don’t know about you but socializing or being in a rather “social” situation wears me out. Which explains why I no longer hang out with my friends because I very much prefer being by myself. I don’t quite fancy hanging out in a large group and if I were to hang out with my friends, I’d prefer doing it one at a time, or at most, 3. The only other person I spend time with aside from my family, is my husband. Not because we’re in a relation...

It's disappointing and sad, both at once. When your head is overwhelmed with unspoken words. My vision gets blurry day by day. It's confusing. The unseen wound is painfully excruciating. The silent scream is deafening. Sleepless night, by night. Hell exists in this world, I swear to God it exists. In the coldest night. In the darkest hour. In this sad, sad memory I wander. Alone, and honestly so lonely. People around acted like they know me. Judging me like they created me. Truth is, they did create me. They shaped me to somebody they wanted me to be, even when that means I have to put masks on masks to cover my true self. I have to put on the sweetest smile I got, made by the saltiest tears. It's hard, and life has never been easy. I told you I gave up on you, on us. It was actually me that I gave up on. I gave up on myself. I'm never gonna make you happy. I'm never gonna make you smile, for I don't know what a smile is. And I have no idea what happiness means....

S’il te plaît, arrête le temps. I’m stuck between the hands of time, A breathless pause, a silent rhyme. I crave a hug from me alone, To hold myself when no one’s home. The world keeps spinning, blind and fast, But I just want this moment to last— To freeze the noise, to truly feel, To touch the pain and let it heal. I lost my mum at the age of 27. Never ever I ever believed this would happened to me this soon. Tuhan, jaga ibu ku di atas sana ya? Aku rindu sama dirinya. Al-Fatihah, Zakiah Binti Awang Soh. Your first child, Kakak <3

To change the world, it all starts with change yourself, first. If we can promulgate hate and violence on social media without thinking twice why can’t we do the same with positivity? Wouldn’t it be great to see that perfect balance as opposed to having the fear that we are living in such a disastrous era? So what if Person A uploads images of doing good deeds? and Person B constantly posts about getting gifts from his/her partner while Person C proudly shows the fact that he/she prays and of course, Person D who uploads pictures every time she/he is at the gym? Why do most people find the need to hate and assume they are bragging or showing off? What is social media for then? If not to display? Be it your thoughts, your possessions or your interests. Perhaps if your heart is pure, if you eliminate your very own insecurities and your habit of assuming the worst in people, you wouldn’t be so threatened by good things, you wouldn’t be so threatened by someone else’s happiness. ...

The scariest thing to happen I believe is not experiencing death itself, it’s what comes after. The scariest thing is being dead and when your soul wanders looking for those you love, they can’t see you and you can’t touch them. Looking at their faces, hoping they’d see the look on yours. Hoping to exchange hugs and goodbyes for the last time and to just say “I miss you terribly”, “I love you, always” and maybe “Don’t turn into a grumpy old idiot”. The scariest thing is not knowing when our last time will be. Une Chat Noir, ID.

I pretend I'm lost. Lost in a forest, I'm surrounded by the trees and the animals that own the forest. As I walk along I take in the beauty of the sun shining through the tree tops as the soft light warms my skin. I sit in the moment an I realise that every moment up until then I've been blinded by, work, organisations, everything is irrelevant. The only thing that matters is me, in this moment. Seeing what life should be, a cabin by a stream. My goats and cattle grazing by the bank. My children running through the trees laughing, never knowing what it feels to live in a day to day society of working a unfulfilled job, slaving away for a hand full of dimes until the grave they go. A world full of self sufficiency. A life of love, wonder and nature. That's how we're meant to live. No tall cities, no concrete slabs of shelter. The smell of pine, and wildflowers linger in our minds, of the working day of labor love and one with our mother earth. Nothing else matters to...

I was listening to my heart and I have been aligned it with the mind, carefully think about it, still, they blamed me for it.   I am not valid. My feelings are not valid.  Perhaps, I was born only to accept and say yes, apparently "no" is not accepted in my life. They said, I am bad. Aku ni jahat.  I am the one that on the other side should have said "take my life" instead of the other one. I am the one that should run away from all of this.  Why some people can't face the fact that people are not their everything. The is a lot more infront of them without having us in their life.  Aku penat. Hidup berpaksikan kepalsuan. Hidup ini adil tapi bukan pada aku.  Berbincang pun tiada jalan keluarnya. Masih dengan janji yang aku dengar saban hari lama yang tiada perubahan yang drastik dan serius.   Macam mana nak terima jikalau fikiran aku tidak boleh bayangkan kehidupan yang bakal ku jalani akan datang 5 tahun lagi. Tiada sifat yang sepatutnya mereka ad...

Yang minat teme abdullah zaman dia tulis blog tahun 2013++ tu where you at? haha sorang, 7 secs je sebab Teme kata nak jumpa semua peninat buku dia. Time ni buku dia ada 3 je. Teme misteri kan? He wear beanie, specs & mask to cover his face in this meet & greet. Waktu solat, dia benti, dia solat belakang tirai.  Time ni Pesta Buku Antarabangsa Kuala Lumpur tahun 2018. Tapi? I got phone call from patient in JB, minta precautions step apa nak buat time air ketuban pecah. I terpaksa tinggalkan this meet and greet, keluar dari line beratur tu, sebab sesak, cari tempat sunyi sikit untuk tenangkan pesakit tu. Dalam kepala otak I, boleh je kan ignore call tu, because this is one of lifetime chances kot. Tapi nyawa orang is on the line. I gotta answer this.  Betul lah. Now Teme mana ada buat Meet & Greet lagi since that year. Dia fully kat London. Bersama R8 dia. Kita kat Malaysia? Baca buku dia je lah :' Dulu kerja clinic, as clinic assistant, saya merangkap doctor ya....

Hello, yayu here. the introvert one. Yea, let me take you guys back to 2013 :) not the exact date as today. a part of me still remembers this and that. a part of me, hate this and that. a part of me already died. I didn't ask for your sympathy and what, just sit, read slowly and breathe. That's all I ask. Shall we? * breathe in * : yayu, result next week weh, kau tahu kan? : haaa ibu dah bagitahu tadi. nervous siot. : aku jawab paper ntah pape weh, science aku takut. : ah kaauu belajar last minute pun perform apatah untuk PMR ni, aku sure kau straight. : hahaha tapi still cuak. kau makan ubat dah? : dah. tadi maghrib. : ciao dulu, jumpa next week kat sekolah. : okay :) to be honest, I didn't look forward to that.  I got so many things that happen back then sampaikan aku rasa sekolah bukan lagi apa yang aku nak buat. Aku risau akan satu hal sahaja pada waktu tersebut. Dia. Aku perlu berdepan dengan dia lagi ke? after all of this, please lah buatkan ak...

Don’t cry. I have you, you have me. We are ours to keep. They couldn’t comprehend the way we break each other and put the pieces back together. Neither could we. Perhaps it’s dangerous how comfortable we are with one another, we know how well we love each other. We know we will never walk away. But I am exhausted with what words can do. I know you are too. Yet you are here to stay, me too. They say you only face challenges you can take— I can take you, I can take us and so can you.

I want to stay away from those who use religions and politics to divide people — Ones that feed on negativity and spread hatred, ones that drag people alongside the ideas they hold inside their hearts and ones that force their beliefs on others. We are individuals and never should we allow our freedom to robbed due to someone else’s fears. I no longer want to be afraid and I believe that those who love me will love me anyway for everything that I am.

Sometimes I tend to miss things I’ve never done before like wrapping my arms around pieces of clouds or jumping from one hill to another. And things I’ve never had like the Easy-Bake oven that makes tiny little chocolate cakes or those hundreds of dollars stashed under my bed.

Commitment is going out wearing a sweater with nothing underneath without having a clue of how the weather is going to behave. You’re either all in or you’re out, there’s no such thing as putting one foot out the door. You take both feet and jump right in, planting them firmly into the ground, even when it’s muddy.