Plan, I will execute later.

Hi, it is me, the helpless one.

I am back with the same thoughts.

I should run.

I wanted to write down my plans here, but you know, I will share it here since no one around me read this.

I wanted to run, but what is my plan, ya?

I will leave everything behind, but I will have my social media stay for awhile.

I know it is haram for a wife to leave his husband without husband's permissions, but I have too much to keep on my plate now.

I know for a fact that if I leave everything here, it will be so chaotic and everyone literally will reach me out. First, I will ignored. Until I have enough money to pay lawyer to file a suit. After that, we will both attend the court, to settle.

If he asking me why I am doing things like this, well, I already asked for couple times already, but still no changes. He need to know, love can't feed my starve tummy, love can't guarantee our future. I am not marrying to a wrong people, he is losing in his battle.

I don't want to expose much to the judge about whatever he is doing now. I just want to end in a good term to him. I know there is a thing that can game over him, but I don't want to do that.

After settle those, I will hand over everything that is belong to him, and I will make my move, Far away from here. I will make an announcement on my Instagram and Facebook saying I am no longer his wife and will leave it at least 2 months.

After that period, I will delete that account, any accounts that I have and I will start new one, anonymously. I will start over everything from scratch. Maybe I will work as a cleaner, I will work as janitor, as any job that I can secure as long as I can run from this  place. I will not saying goodbyes to makcik, joan, & ming. I will called them and tell about the news. and I will live my life back from A.

So, run, enough saving for lawyer, file a suit, end everything at court and dissapear.

Job, I still think about trying to work in SG, but as I said, to a normal job only. Janitor or cleaner.

Fund, I have some gold with me, I can sell it and use that money to survive.

Another plan, I can call Joan's father actually and will ask his permissions to stay with Joan for awhile and pay out the rent half half with her and work anywhere in Iskandar Puteri. But to be honest, I dont want to involve with her father and personally will saying to Joan to stay with her. Not sure on this. I don't want to work with my previous company anymore.

Whatever it is, fund. I need fund now. I can sell my clothes and save from that. Okay. 

I will continue write this down and finalize everything.


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I cant wait for all of this things happened and over. I want to appreciate myself more.

I want to try new things.

I want to do things that I like.

I hate it when I feels like I need to bury that kind of versions of me inside me.

No, I don't want that. I want to explore the world. I want to do a lot of things and I feel that I will experience it all by myself. Not saying that I don't believe in love anymore later, I have a lot of love inside myself that I can give to people, but to get into another marriage, it is a kind of impossible to start over. Maybe I need some time. Years is what I am talking here. I will fix myself and heal myself, after I forgive myself that I buried inside myself, then I will open that topic back.

I have none in my head to get marry off with, well, after what is happening, I should take things slowly, right? Pray for me, who ever you are that reading this. I really need your prayer. Thank you, okay?